Tuesday, June 28, 2005

``_____.*What constitutes a true friend?! (Long).#

::: Well, taken off from some kuku webby/someone's blog page?!~ well, aniiway, its meaningful... n, kinda true... plus, its LOOOOOOOng... Enjoy...

"in my humble opinion, a true friend's one that doesn't have to be there all the time, yet IS there all the time, in your heart. you can leave him, and come back much later, picking up from exactly where you left the relationship (with lots of catching up, of course).

a true friend's one that doesn't impose his opinions on you, saying that you should be doing this, or that. or you should be thinking this, or that. pardon me but i don't think anyone of us has the right to determine what's right and what's wrong, what's natural and what's not, in the lives of others. even as i type what i think a true friend is, it's only still my opinion and how i choose to see a true friend.

others may think a true friend's one that stabs them in the back silly, and i can't say they're wrong.a true friend respects your decisions, your opinions, your personality, your character. a true friend gives you the benefit of the doubt. he tries to understand, and puts himself in your shoes. he cares for you, and will advise you when he thinks something's really wrong. yet if you choose not the heed that piece of advice, he'd still be by your side. supporting and loving you. watching your back...like zw said to me, “朋友贵知心，不贵多”.

i don't need alot of friends in my life. one, or two, who knows and understands me, is more than enough. as many other things in life, it's the quality, not the quantity. most of us have got groups of friends, cliques - they call it, that tends to dissipate with time. among these, certain individuals stay. and if you're really lucky, one of these cliques may withstand the test of time.

it's not easy to tell which would withstand the test of time, but we can tell almost immediately which won't. again in my opinion, it's those where you see backstabbing, gossiping and even betrayal within the group, that tells immediately this isn't one clique you should be wasting your time on. an occasional meet up for the fun of it is of course, only natural. but even so i wouldn't waste too much time. perhaps only if for individuals within the group i feel is worth my time.

a diversion, but imagine a scenario whereby a member of the opposite sex (or the same, if that's your cup of tea) who has been clearly interested you in, gives you an expensive gift that you like (i'm talking about having already purchased and is giving you the item, not offering to give it to you). you have also expressed to him, very clearly before, that you guys can only be friends. what would you do?i bet most would say reject. i would too. at least i would attempt to reject. but if he insists, i'd accept it and make it extremely clear to him that the next time he does that, i'd definitely not accept it again and that i am a person of my words. after which i would brush off the incident.

what's past is past. i perceive that as an act of graciousness and style, wishy-washiness is silly and unnecessary. afterall, it IS rude to reject a person's kind will, no matter what.accepting the gift graciously on the other hand, reflects good manners and tact in handling such matters (in my opinion). putting yourself in the shoes of the giver, how would you feel if someone rejects a gift that you've put much thought and effort into? the least the receiver can do is express her gratitude and appreciation, meanwhile if necessary, express her sincere but firm opinions about the giver's act of giving that particular gift.so instead of the usual thoughts of "accept the gift only if you're gonna be with him" and "it is only natural to reject the gift" (which is bull because i perceive good manners and graciousness as natural, not wishy-washiness and making a big hoo-haa out of a simple act), which all only focus on the receiver's feeling, why not think about the sender's feelings?and even if the sender has ulterior motive and would not have done that if he knew it'd get him nowhere, we don't have to scoop down to his level.and that's that. "

3:45 PM Z